It was like growing apart in relationships. When I was in childhood, it was all good — close friends, mutual appreciation, and sharing a lot of things about life, and so on. But after a time, when they got busy in their careers, it became difficult to speak with them. It started like that, and I was putting more effort into my career also, so that it would become normal again — but it didn’t. It intensified my emotions and self-worth issues during this phase.
I was doing meditation work also — it’s called Vipassana. It was intensive meditation, like 100 hours in a 10-day retreat. The results were coming — in terms of good things happening and so on — but they weren’t lasting long unless I put the same level of intensity. It was not directly addressing my relationship issues or their wounds.
So slowly, the Abandon wounds activated, I couldn't stop thinking how much ever I tried. It was like it was deeply haunting me — like whatever I did, I couldn’t get away from the thought patterns, and it's triggering guilt, self-worth, longing for that person and so on. I got to know it’s called Codependency and Limerence. To know more about it, I started reading many books on it, It was partially helpful — I could reduce some of it, but it was not a permanent solution.
Some of the thought patterns were:
looking for signs for reconnection
Longing
Idealizing
Guilt about self-worth
Fear of rejection
These patterns — I could reduce with some techniques, but I wasn’t able to fully solve them. They were literally haunting me every day. When I'm staying alone, these patterns would be coming in my mind most of the day. This was one of the most intensive and traumatic periods of my life. This lasted for years
Some of the solutions I found were:
Spending more time with my friends — I could move those thoughts away from the pattern
Making myself more involved in regular work — also helped somewhat to minimize them.
Sharing with my friends, they are making sense of it
Some of the books I read that made sense somehow:
These books matched my patterns. The thing that worked out from reading many books was to think that he/she doesn’t exist in your life — like you don’t know them.
Also, one of the techniques was to use the same intensity of energy to idealize your future version, and so on.
These were like some short-term solution during that just to reduce that intensity.
One of the books that hit the core of my wound:
The Abandonment Recovery Workbook: Guidance Through the 5 Stages of Healing from Abandonment, Heartbreak, and Loss
Inner child work:
In this book, she talks about one technique called Big You, Little You from separation therapy. It's like speaking with smaller version of yourself, because of these wounds it went into a corner sitting alone and crying internally because none is giving attention. This is I think is the inner child work.
It exposes to your inner vulnerabilities and braking the ice with your little you so that, it will release more patterns. I could feel the pain and tears would be coming when I was letting the little me to express more. Every time I do this, It gave me relief on that day.
The thing, you have to promise to your little you and travel with it for a couple of months and do what he wished in the childhood and so on, and you need to bring those experience to your little you.
Big you, little you: Separation therapy by Grace Kirsten, Richard Robertiello
This was the most relief I could find in the terms of techniques. But the wound is so deep, it was a little difficult to keep up with months of practice. The inner child will go to normal if you don't give attention to him for longer time. This is the problem I saw.
These things somehow helped me. I also stopped contacting those person and people closer to him. I could see the triggers bursting when I spoke or interacted with people closer to him also. Those patterns reactivate and occupy my mind space for like couple of days. So I stopped talking or seeing their pictures or social media, exited from the groups they were in, and so on — to dissolve those patterns. These things are pretty much standard in the Limerance and Codependency books. That is actually true also.
This gradually helped. But I couldn’t avoid it fully because of the closer relationships — I still got to know their updates. So this avoidance was not easy Initially, people were thinking I'm arrogant and avoidant and so on. Because of the triggers were more intense, I couldn't do more than that. And there was this inherent interest to reconnect also in me or get to know updates about them, that made the process more difficult.
In this overall process, I was reading more books on psychology to figure out whether any permanent solution exists. I was expanding and testing. Through this, I got the overall landscape of what I needed to figure out.
Another platform I found was PsychAlive, where I bought many courses. Their courses and seminars are offered by industry experts. They address a wide range of mental health problems.
👉 https://www.psychalive.org/
Overall, they’re good. Instead of reading a whole book, they directly explain the core method they teach their clients. But they’re more like preventions or temporary solutions — not permanent ones.
I’ve done many Vipassana retreats and served as volunteer also, as part of their process. But that wasn’t touching the wound. No matter how many times I tried, it didn’t help at that deep level. It gave some other benefits — which were somehow difficult to measure. One thing I observed: manifestations or good things happened after the retreat. So I tried a couple more times — but it wasn’t the right solution either.
Finally, I did some recreational activities — like swimming, changing diets, going for walks in nature, etc. These contributed to my wellbeing. My vitality increased — but still not the core wound.
I did 5–6 months of sessions with psychologists. That was somewhat helpful because I got to meet them every week with a one-hour session. So they saw patterns in me that I couldn’t see. There was also accountability. It was a deep, introspective process. Sometimes, in order to speak with them, I had to observe more and do what they told me. That was one of the great things I did — to reveal those underlying patterns.
I saw there were patterns underneath them that I couldn’t see without a guide. So in that way, it helped. But the overall process itself was long. Otherwise, their incentive won’t work. I felt like they were delaying my results — so I stopped it further.
In between, I tried healing from online platforms.
They gave me relief for a couple of days — almost magically. But then they would come again, or some situations would reactivate the triggers, I guess.
Finally, what worked out for me was: Multidimensional healing and cord cuttings. They weren’t simple — not one or two sessions. I did many sessions to reduce them because the core wound was so deep. It gave me a permanent solution. And as days went on, the intensity also reduced overall. It brought me some sense of peace within me eventually after 6 years of struggle.
Thanks for reading!